Helpful Secrets on How to Not Get More Twitter Followers

I’m really sick of all these social media hacks, lists, tips, and tricks for helping people gain more twitter followers. Have they ever stopped to think that maybe not everybody wants more followers?

There’s a great dandruff shampoo commercial from the 80’s that popularized this phrase:

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Never have those words been more true than when people are looking for new faces to follow on Twitter. Want to fly under the radar and avoid their positive attention?

Here are some tips for making yourself less attractive on Twitter.

8 tips for making yourself less attractive on Twitter Share on X

1. Don’t upload a profile picture

Twitter Goose EggYou think that little egg is cute? You’re in good company, because so do other people who have no Twitter followers! If you want to shout from the mountain tops that you’re a lurker or generally too busy to upload a photo, just use the default Twitter egg. You’ll be well on your way to not getting more followers!

2. Don’t have a bio

Look, I know you want to jot down some meaningful details to help people understand a bit about you, but DON’T do it. Having a bio signifies your interests to the world and helps like-minded people find and follow you. But getting more followers is not your goal here – the fewer the better, so skip the bio!

3. Write your bio in the third person (with superfluous hashtags)

Ok, so not having a #bio was a little too much to ask. As a #compromise, how about writing your #bio in the #third #person? That little extra touch of #formality and #self-importance in such a casual environment is a fantastic way to both sound like a walking #resume and turn off would-be #followers.

4. Advertise that you follow back

While you’re writing your bio, be sure to include a statement that you “follow back. (#FOLLOWBACK works, too)” Seriously, this lets others know that you’re the Twitter equivalent of a desperate, attention-seeking hoe bag! People will give your account a wide berth and you’ll be safe from a dangerously long list of followers.

5. Use a naughty profile picture

Mind if I Comb Over?Ok, so not everyone wants to abide by the “no profile picture” rule. I get it. If you insist on using one, make sure it’s some sort of naughty picture – you know, a boob selfie or the like. This will fool potential followers into thinking your account is spam. This tip becomes doubly powerful when mixed with a clever bio that says “I like you”* and will almost ensure no new follows.

*”I like you” is just one example. Be creative and find a weird sentiment that really reflects you.

6. Use hashtags liberally

You know the saying, “the more the merrier?” Well, it certainly applies to hashtags! If one or two helps interested people find your Twitter profile, then why not eight or nine? #amiright? #amen #BOOM! Using a lot of hashtags is the Twitter equivalent to wearing a truck-load of cologne. So go ahead and use #one #more #squirt!

7. Reply to (or “like) ancient tweets

Nothing says “steer clear of me!” like randomly replying to a three year-old tweet. That’s a universally accepted method to let would-be followers know that you’re stalking their timeline. And nobody follows a stalker, so this is a sure-fire bet for keeping your follower number at a minimum.

8. Use TrueTwit validation

People *hate* jumping through hoops (lazy people!) and if you force them to use a validation service like TrueTwit just for the privilege of following you, you’re practically guaranteed fewer followers!

Even if you don’t carry out every tip in this post, try a few and see if you don’t get a noticeably lighter Twitter follower count.

You’re welcome.

*Featured image by Ragesoss (Own work) [GFDL or CC BY-SA 4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons

21 thoughts on “Helpful Secrets on How to Not Get More Twitter Followers”

  1. LMAO! I was an early adopter. I don’t know where the hell these people came from. I don’t even think I’m that entertaining, but ok.

    I love this list the best out of all the other ones on how to not attract followers. 🙂

  2. Christian Nelson

    Great stuff, Carrie…a fun and refreshing piece to start my reading day. The part about using all those hash tags is probably my favorite part.

  3. I also find that tweeting really infrequently helps enormously. In fact, I’m tempted to #nevertweet #neverretweet #neverreplytotweets.

    Also #loveandreasblogidea #wanttofolloweggsellerdave

  4. Hi Alice!
    I like the infrequent tweeting concept. 🙂 But then when we’re all alone and do finally want some followers, how about this: create dozens of new Twitter accounts, and then follow yourself! You’ll just need a lot of email addresses! 🙂
    Dave

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